The first few days were the hardest. I had to chat and call every close friend, cry over the phone, beg each one to help and save me from all the pain. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t get up from bed and go to work. I didn’t eat for two days and I didn’t have a good sleep for too many nights, I lost count. Everything was just pointless and hopeless, like there was nothing and nobody in this world that could ever make me feel better.
But my faith in the Lord was (and will always be) beyond my pain. I prayed every waking day for God to heal me. I prayed for nothing but my healing. I really thought that the suffering would never end. I thought that boy was my only cure. But thank God, I was freed. Maybe not from all the hardships in life, but at least from the one that was killing me upfront. Not that fast but eventually, through patience and faith, that time came.
My time came. I just woke up one day with the same enthusiasm I had when he was still with me. I was excited to take a vacation and wear the dress I bought from a year ago but never got the chance to wear because I was too sad to even comb my hair. I was very happy to discover a new place, this time not with him but with myself. I was so in love with the person I have become after he broke me. I never thought that day would ever come.
With a new perspective in life, I moved forward. It took me months to finally come back to my senses but still with no regrets because if I took the shorter way out, it wouldn’t be this worthy. I could’ve used someone to move on, flirt with a guy, accept the attention I was seeking from the ex, date him then when finally feeling okay, leave him and find the man I was imagining myself to be with. But never did I and never would I cause that pain to someone else. If there is one thing I’ve learned from that cheating experience, that is to never let anyone suffer the same pain I had. No one has the right to ever hurt another human being just because he is hurt. It’s not in our hands to punish another soul.
Now for you shattered soul, you can do it, too! Maybe you’re still waiting for his call, you’re still holding on, hoping that he would feel sorry for cheating on you. But baby, it will still be difficult. Even if you get back together, he will still be the same man who cheated on you. You will remember how he was too caring for her, how he showered her with attention he couldn’t give you, the sweet words he used with her — the good mornings and good nights, the “Have you eaten your meal?”, the “Hi’s and Hello’s”, the “I’m home now, how’s your day at work?” Things will never be the same again. That was what he said to me, that things will never be the same again for us and he was right. It will always flashback. And it will always hurt just the same.
Is he really worth all the tears? Do you deserve to be treated so poorly? If your answer is NO to both, I am proud of you. You are ready to move on. But then again, moving on will never be easy. It will start with a decision, followed by persistence, and backed up with self-love. You will go through so many stages and experience so much hurt, but I promise you, after everything, you will be whole again. And this time, you will become so much of a fighter.
Now, as I am reminiscing the past, I realized that I had to go through all those. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be this happy. I wouldn’t be this beautiful. I had to die just so I can blossom again — but this time, more beautifully.
And to the man who broke my heart, thank you. I can only thank you for letting me go.
The writer wrote this essay to inspire other women who are trying their best to walk away from toxic relationships. May you all find the courage to leave and love yourself.